Saturday, October 30, 2004

Attention Leeds!!!!!!

After it was announced that a begger earned over £100,000 last year there has been a huge begger rush to Leeds. One eye witness said she saw 3 scruffy men in the seats opposite her in the 1st class coach of her virgin train. Thinking little of their attire as the trends of today she was amazed to see them role out at the station steaming drunk on £250 bottles of champagne then sit outside ! The lady was quoted to say " they didn't even look as if they were enjoying their drink, it was just the best thing they could have!"

So..... What to do! Here is my advise on how to piss the beggers off!

  1. Urinate on them! They do it in the streets so can we. Even better find there favourite spot and walk your dog past there every morning!
  2. Ask for change! Just politely walk up to the begger with a £50 note wave it under his face slightly, and ask if they have any change. When they say no and start mumbling at you. Do the unexpected thing.... Kick him in the balls and run off!
  3. Take the big issue back! Buy a big issue when you get out of the station. Then on your way home say you want your money back. Inform the kind seller that the articles were poorly written and the ink was smudged. If he starts to get lippy just say - " Sorry I couldn't quite see the last number of your Issue seller ID" You'll get your money back soon enough!
  4. In all seriousness. There are genuinely a few cases were people don't have homes and don't make that much money. In Leeds and many other UK cities there are now collection boxes which are collected by the council and distributed between the really needy. Equally though putting an IOU in the boxes is always gonna make someone laugh!

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