Tuesday, November 23, 2004

I'm a celebrity.... Now F**k off !!!!

Its Back!! The ultimate pile of poo. I'm a celebrity... get me out of here. Apart from the faxct that i'm sick to death of crappy reality tv shows this one is worse. Why should crappy Z list (usually ex) cellebs get a chance to restart their carear. Some one needs to tell themm the truth. YOUR OVER!!! thats why your not famous anymore!!!! Do they not realise this??? And can you really class Paul Burrow as a celeb? he's a bit of a criminal really isn't he? well i dont know this absolute pile of shit is on every night and i'm sick of it!

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

The Great Escape

While on a night out in my local town of Ilkley me and my mate spent up all our cash on beers and a subsequent donner! Realising we had no money to get home we decided to jump the taxi. We had it all planned out. The cab would drop us off by a snicket and we would run through there so he couldn't follow us in his cab. The trouble was when the cab stopped and we started to run (in our pissed state) I ran straight on to the bonnet of another car and my mate ran face first into the railings at the start of the snicket and floored himself instantly. I thought he was out for the count and while deciding on whether or not to carry him or save myself luckily he jumped up and started running. In hindsight the taxi drive probably thought sod it that's worth £7 and so he drove off. John hasn't been able to chew since and I'm glad for once it wasn't me who was injured. And that's the end to another midnight escapade from Ric!

Colour Blindness - A theory

Colour blindness. Something that has puzzled me for many years of my short life! I'm sure it has puzzled my readers also. So here is my view on it. Now many people make the same mistake as me. They think that when you are colour blind that you simply see a different colour to what a normal sighted person sees. However my good albino friend Jack is unfortunately colour blind ( fortunately for me as its the source of many tight jokes!) Now jack can see some colours fine and he doesn't see different colours the only he cant differentiate between blue and purple and green and brown. He doesn't see red as blue or anything quite as extreme as that.

BUT

here's my theory. Now you gotta stick with this because its quite complicated but I'll try explain as best I can. When I started to learn about colours I asked what colour this was. Now I was told this colour was green. As I'm sure you were. But how do I know that I am seeing the same colour as you??? You see the problem. I see a colour and I was told that it was green. But you may bee seeing a different shade of completely different colour. You see all shades of green relative to the first colour you've seen. But because you cannot go into someone's eyes then I just don't know if I am seeing the same colour! I've tried to explain this to some of my mates and some get it better than others. I would be interested to see what you think so please leave a comment.

Monday, November 01, 2004

JOKE OF THE MONTH

on the 1st of each month i will treat you all to one of my world famous jokes. So here is this months treat for you:

A man sees a fine looking woman at a bar. He steps over to her an says, "Hey baby, let me suck on your nipples." She says, "Watch it buddy, I'll have my boyfriend kick your ass." He laughs and says, "Alright, why don't I just give you a big sloppy kiss then." She says, "Listen, if you say one more thing to me, I will have my man kill you.""This is my final offer", he says, "I'll hold you upside-down, pour beer into your pussy, and drink from your c**t." She gets up, walks over to her boyfriend, tells him this guy said he was going to lick her tits. He yells, "I'll kill him!" She then tells him he was going to kiss her. By now he's pissed and starts walking in his direction. She says, "Wait! He also said he would hang me by my ankles, pour beer down my twat, and drink from me!" Her boy friend stops and say's "Sorry babe, I can't fuck with anyone who can drink that much beer."

**Ric's Review - FILM - Layer cake**

This is a clever drug dealer movie set in the UK. It starts out with the main character (XXXX) and narrator cheerfully extolling the virtues of the drug industry when you are careful and organised like he is. He is about to retire with a nice little fortune. Then it all starts to go wrong, one thing after another as layers are added to the plot.

Sometimes it seems as if the plot is too complex and there are two dangers, one of leaving the audience behind and two leaving gaping holes in the plot. Still the humour and action set pieces are enough to pull it through. It is in my opinion worthy of been placed in the same category with as Snatch or Lock, Stock etc. Definitely worth a look.

RICS STAR RATING **** (out of 5)